wowz! it's been a long time since I've blogged. But somehow, it seems that I normally blog when i'm troubled or bored. 4 months have already passed since i started work and now, there is a critical juncture in the lives of my 3 sisters and I. Yest, pastor talked to me about some stuff. things that are personal and close to my heart. things that have hurt me for so long a time. I finally understood why the people in church always shunned my mom. Like she had some plague or sth. I was always upset about it. Finally it has come to me, that what was told to me has also probably been repeated to many others around, especially the leaders. This is ethically LOW to handle a situation like this. The people's mind gets so polluted with stuff and they just run with HEARSAY. It has come to a stage where God cannot find anyone He can use to help her, that He needs to move her out. I finally understand. When she first left, I was sad, but I thought that if she is happy, then I'm fine. But after yesterday, I realised that I am VERY HAPPY she left. Left a church that cannot help or reach out to her. A place that will only oppress her just because the people are weak in their minds and spirit. Moreover, I don't understand how a person should be able to help by screaming and shouting at her. GARBAGE!

A very prominent example was when my mum asked someone in curch by the name of B*b about the furniture that she wanted for her kids, he just brushed her away. After that asked my sis to design sth for his company and didn't even inform her that her designs were not used. Nasty people I must say...sigh...is the word a "GOOD MAN" really an oxymoron???

When M** first said she wanted to leave, I was surprised but after that I thought just as well. If this relationship between Pastor n my mum goes on like this, it is only a matter of time that someone breaks. And she was the first. Now what, I'm supposed to talk to her that she would not. I am such a hyprocite....

God help me.....

I feel so helpless....

How can anyone expect me to prefer locals when my 3 uncles are so .................. *no comments*

Frankly speaking, I am so tired of it all....I just wanna leave...leave being caught in this situation. I just wanna be a kid again, where life was so much more beautiful....

A man has his pride and ego, but a woman cannot have both....GARBAGE

Respect your husband....wat kind of respect? the kind u give an elder, or the kind where u hold the person in high regard?

with a family like this, how can I hold any man in high regard....unless GOD gives a miracle.

Can't stand it when man thinks a woman can't live without him...GARBAGE!

the only peron I can't live without is GOD...no one else...Period

Trust no one but GOD.......................................................

btw, before I forget....


HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY TO THE STATES!!!

miss the days where we go for strolls by Charles River, or kayak down the quieter banks of the river, and the crowd we had to fight past to watch the fireworks. Which were much better and closer than any I've ever seen. Picnicking on the grass by the river...life was great. then.

Well, it can still be.........................................

;D

In a twinkling of an eye, 2 weeks have passed since I last updated. Well, life's been like tt, as status quo. The 3 little sistas of mine flew of to Sydney last friday for the annual Hillsong conference. Haha, i muz say, I really no need to do house work this week other than ironing some clothes and mopping floor...wheee!!! but still gotta finish up the newsletter by this week. Anyways, juz read in the newspaper that H&M may be coming to Spore! double yay! always liked their clothes when i was in the states but hopefully if they come here, quality still there. Not like G**. After coming to Spore, prices went sky high and designs weren't as appealing as those i always buy in the states.

Work's getting routined and I've juz started learning something new in the current system. Heh =D.... really like the times where I have all the time in my hands to do what I really want to. Seeing planes fly over me and going to the airport everyday isn't really helping my nerves much really. It's not gonna be long b4 my itch to travel starts working itself up again. !!! mama say I'm addicted to traveling....and I muz say...DITTO!

Au revoir till we meet again!

yoooooooooo

Shimei is back!

so much for the lofty ideas of playing with Adobe for the whole week. But due to unfortunate turns of events, she has no time for Adobe. AT ALL. Ditto. sigh....filled with work after work...wat a waste of time. She feels that her time has not been utilised properly...every day trying desperately to fill up the aimless hours with constructive activities. Wow.......... and she is off to lala land where she can dream and imagine the imposible coz

Nothing is Impossible

Impossible is Nothing

;)

wooohoooo

1 week since i wrote...

reading computer art magazine now...really cool and they teach ya how to use those designing programmes and tools....

very eye opening indeed...i am very inspired to do some arty farty things now...hee

meanwhile, check out this cool webbie

http//:monkey-design.com.tw

till i manage to get myself get away from the ADOBEs.....enjoy!

Families

Have you ever wondered why there were such?

Brothers and sisters that you have, that you grow up with. Who are they really? Are they just some people who share similar DNA traits and characteristics with you? Or are they just some existence you were put with?

I always wonder why are there family disputes. Wht is it that someone can be so giving and understanding to a friend, and yet be so unreasonably demanding and unforgiving to family members.

I guess there is much truth in the saying that " A neighbour nearby is much better than a relative faraway."

Singapore is so small. I see my extended family every week. Yet I feel we are so far away. As if we were worlds apart. Why? Because of the inability to understand each other. Our mouths were given to us not just for consumption but communication. Communication in the sense of working out differences, or similarities that pushes people apart. Like poles on the magnet repel. same concept I guess. Voice box is used to speak. Our ability to differentiate tone to show our pleasure or displeasure. Our minds to articulate the art of good communication. Some were born with the natural flair for speech. But no one is excluded from the ability to learn and perfect it.

What ever it may be, my sisters and I have made the silent resolution to never fall out with each other. With the experience we had, what our parents taught us and what we saw them go through, we know better. Their strength and resilience in the face of being the black sheeps of their families
and disappointment taught me. Money cannot buy the relationship. Cordial greeting of each other doesn't mean you know or understand me. I am more than what you see. My ldepth in my life can never be reached if it's watched like its a movie. Because in a movie, you never see what goes on behind the scenes. And the perspective is only of the director. Another may have done it differently. A movie is the least reliable source for theory generation. So let no one's life be like a movie. It's too degrading to even think about, you life's worth.

In this world where the fine line between family ties and friendship is becoming blurer and blurer, there's only one way we can look to. HEAVEN.

*drip* good *drip* weather *drip* today!!! *drip*

read between the lines

I'm dripping with perspiration...

and sarcarsm


..............................................

woohoo!

feel really good today as i slept like almost 12hrs last night. Dunno y i was so tired so juz plopped down the bed and slept through. anyways, evn if i din sleep , oso dunno wad to do. pick up my bass and guitar, dabble here and there with adobe illustrator and photshop. pick up some new things.

What an unexciting life. Period

past few days, i started taking bus from the back of my place instead of the front, so I finally get to sit down. Yay! so now, there's more space for me to observe things around me. And I noticed in recent days along the way to work that Singapore also has a phenomena that I never noticed till now. I saw beautiful rays of sunlight shining through a thick foilage. The seemingly even rays that try to get though to the ground, I fins absolutely gorgeous. The only other time i saw it was in Santa Monica forest area. ( if I remember coorectly). And another time that I saw this sort of rays was after work while walking to the MRT station. There was a bunch of dark clouds looming overhead and at the edge of it, juz peaking out were rays of sunlight from a place seemingly faraway. It reminds me of the beauty on this earth. Nature is there always. No matter what you do to it. Destroy it for man's selfish purposes and nonsensical wants, it will still come around. Nature is part of this earth whether we like it or not. I'd say its a phenomena of "what goes around, comes around". yeah, we destroy it, and all it does to us is bring us much discomfort in the sense of increased natural disasters, warmer weather. I'd say, "You asked for it!!!!"

what a pessimist. right?

hahah

yet another inspiring song from Corrine May about the power of a mother's love.

"When will you be home?" she asks
as we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer to where my dreams may lead
She's watched me as i crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds
and yet she says to me

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be prayin every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
SIlver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
"We need you. Please come back"
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be prayin every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
ohh...
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

been a long day today...

I muz say, I haven been walking in the love that I blog about juz days ago.

yest had worship practise and for once in my life I felt so inadequate. I felt angry at myself.

Why can't I help everyone I want to ? Why can't I go help mum and also play in the team at the same time?

Is it all because of bygones and differences that could not be set aside that this generation has to bear the grunt of it?

It's so overrated.

Anywayz, dun wanna dwell on things that doesn't make me happy.

on the other hand, somwhow I feel that I'm a very simple person but others don't agree. The other party seems to think that because I travel alot so I am not simple. How do you really justify that? Travel, per se, has become and is still becoming cheaper and cheaper as the years go by. It's no longer a past time or action that is enjoyed only by the rich. Moreover, travel has taken up so many different forms that it does not justify that someone who travels alot is not SIMPLE.

I don't live in 5-star hotels, I don't shop alot when I'm overseas. Moreover, when I am actually overseas, 50% of the time I am working there. So it's not really 100% holiday.

What goes?

Simplicity doesn't mean u live in rags and shelters without a fixed roof over our head. To me, simplicity is just being who you really are in front of people. No pretense. No currying of favour. No two-headed snake syndrome. Simpliciy is when the job you go into is not based on the $$ you can earn but a sincere passion for what you do. A simple thing that can keep your drive in life and yet not burn you out for the material things in this world. Man can never be satisfied. U get more, u only want even more. It is when life is more about the intangible rather than the tangible. That's when life's complexity blurs and merges into this simplicity that goes a long way.

Love of God...

Don't you think it's actually one of the most overused and under represented commandment of GOd

Many people claim they have love and stuff....but if you look carefully into the Bible, the love of GOd is not the human love. It is the love that enbraces the worst in people, it's the love that brings out the best in people. And most of all, this is the only love that can make this screwed up world a better place to live in. The God kind of love that we can have but we muz consientiously put into ourselves.

How much Love of God you have comes to light not in the good seasons but the worst. That's where people see the glory of God shining through you. But each and everyone of us has the capacity for it. Because God will not ask us to do something He knows we can't do! Can u imagine! That means that everyone can have it. But you have to put it in your heart.

1 Corin 13:4-8

Love suffers long and is kind; ( how many times do we feel like pulling our hair out coz of someone?)

love does not envy; ( how many times we think, "So good! they have xxx and xxx!")

love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ( how many times do we boasts of what we have?)

does not behave rudely, (how many times do we feel like being nasty to someone?)

does not seek its own,

is not provoked,

thinks no evil;

does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

Love never fails.

need i say more?

heh...all the big shots in the department are out for lunch so im 'free' in the technical sense to write!

haha...yesterday was a pretty fun day. Woke up early in the morning to play netball with church frens and man!, the sun was scorching hot. hahah...we were like ' i dun wanna play in the hot sun!!' but we still went out in the end. it was fun while it lasted. And now I'm paying the dues for it. MUSCLE ACHE! hahah...so unfit already ...

had a nice pasta lunch after that before gg home.

Really, it's not the crowds and partying that matters.

It's not the number of friends that matters.

It's not the $$ that matters.

And it's defintely how "cool" you are that matters.

In the end, it's when you can spend that precious time with the ones you love and care about. It's about how you can all just sit there, not talking, and feel the connection with each other. It's how the quiet prescence of the people around you makes everything in life worth all the trouble and hard work.

Juz like in 孙燕姿 's latest song

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热

A song from Singapore-born LA based artiste Corrinne May that I find very inspiring

I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me

It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain
to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and I crumble and I'm
Sinking to my knees but you
You cradle me

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's
On a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek

'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

Feel that it's really a beautiful song that captures many people's frustration in life but we know that in God we find rest. His arms are like the wings of eagles keeping us safe from this world...

it's been a hectic day today...quite a rariy for tuesdays but at least I can look forward to half day tomorrow...hahah

had lunch alone today..and was reading the discovery guide to American National Parks. I juz can't get away from it huh... Yellowstone. Grand Teton. Grand Canyon. Yosemite. I so miss these places! I mean it's been quite sometime since I've gone on tips just to take my time and explore around.

Anyways, I am gonna grumble about how the buses from SBS Transit always seem to chugg along like they were on some overheated engine and take forever to get from noe place to another. But God's love is patient and kind ...so I need to be more tolerant of such "efficient" services from an agent with supposedly world class technology. ahah

Seriously, Singapore don't own these world class technology. It owns us.

better write later. later get caught

avour

Hey Hey!

Writing here during work at the risk of getting caught by my bosses...zzz

But wat's a girl to do while waiting for the other things to do ? haha

weekend was intersting! we had approval from Pastor to paint the room.Yay!

Some thoughts that ran through my mind while at work. It's really amazing how small Singapore is but I still take the same time in getting to work from Punggol as I did to NUS.. how ironic...=_=

anyways, got nothing much to do now but to look out at the windows. How interesting the sky suddenly seems to you when u really study it in detail. It's like ever changing but always there. How I wish I can be like the clouds. Free to go whereever I want to but still there in the technical sense for the people I care about.

When everywhere you go gives u a sense of deja vu. Like you've been there before sometime in your life. But you wonder how could it be. You've only lived a short 23 years of the human life...could you have been in so many places? that's the beauty of mother nature

and isn't it true to say that the most beautiful places on this earth were birthed form the greatest wrath of mother nature, and yet nothing on this earth can compare to the beauty you see when you live in the prescence of God..wow!

gotta go now before I really get caught! write soon!

Its been a long day today....current job that is slightly less than challenging in the intellectual sense has left me with much room to think...yet again. think of things , life and the beauty of it ...or so some may say. Had some free time today and my thoughts wandered off to the good times I had in Yellowstone. Triggered mainly by the little incident in the office where we caught sight of a rare phenomenon otherwise known as water spout. Haha....good hype over the "twister". The beauty and violence of the earth that is inevitable meshed together in a single twist of event. It's not hard to imagine that the most beautiful places on this earth are places that experienced one of the mother nature's most violent wraths. And they say, "Good things never come for free"...hahah....weird context to apply it. But oh well, it's a Friday. Does it really matter if its Friday, or Monday, or Sunday? Seriously, Friday is just a state of mind that people come up with to console and propel them forward to the events of the coming week.

Steady, stable and predictable. I very much prefer to be chasing storms and windsurfing rite now. The elements of everything opposite to the Maslow's Hierarchy of needs.

For such a long post in a blog is sth quite unusal for me....Imagine...how restless I am .... EXCITEMENT in life, is it too much to ask for?

Sleep on it (...not to mention , I only juz woke up)...hmmm....maybe that's y I am spouting out so much nonsensical blubbers today...

I'll juz say God Bless U and Avour! A Tout de Suit!

Yoo Hoo!

First post here!

Juz started work at xxx company and in to my second week liao...so bored I decided to set up this blog..haha